18 September 2023 at 3:06pm

Faith is an impossibility, something unfathomable and ungraspable by human beings, we are not the highest nor are we powerful in this, there is something we can’t know and a leap into faith is admitting it. It is not enough to just stand up for oneself amidst this absurdity of the universe as there is really nothing one can do to stand up for oneself, there isn’t anything to rebel against, no one to blame. A rebellion is not a rebellion if there is a permission to rebel, a ruler is not invading a country if the country welcomes the invaders. Faith is not giving in to this tragedy but seeing it lucidly through and through, only from inside out, and head towards something in the nothingness that is not yet, but this absence is precisely the potentiality to transcendence, and it is perfectly valid if this is faith is God.

Yet I make arbitrary decisions, ones that I know I won’t regret, not really making many real decisions at all. I’m too scared to look at ambiguity in the face, but neither am I a rebel.